I'm going to BiSC. You already know this; I know. Nothing to see in this paragraph. Moving right along.

But a lot can happen between now and the middle of May. Maybe I make it through the Harry Potter series, which I just started this month (probably as the last person you know of to have just started). Maybe I get back to writing songs again. Or maybe someone finally surprises me with the cheetah I've always wanted and I freak.out like Kristen Bell getting a sloth.

What I'm pretty sure will happen, though, is that I won't make any good decisions about what image should be on my iPhone's home screen without some professional help. And, yes, of course I spend time forecasting the likelihood of such things. I'm like the Al Roker of incessant nonsense.

But, thankfully, that's where Paper'd comes in. It's a custom wallpaper app for iOS devices (currently in its pre-release phase, which means sign up now to be notified the instant you can make it the latest tuft in your iCloud).

To be fair, though, I don't really meet all of the target user base criteria:

1. You have incredible taste [uh, I'm the guy who has admitted he found Gigli watchable]
2. You're funny and clever [only unwittingly], outspoken and inspired [er, quiet and oft-uncertain], and
3. Your iPhone needs the perfect finishing touch to really make it yours [oh, wait; this one!].

See, I've been making some poor iPhone screen choices, kids. Currently? It's Charlie Brown. Always been a fan, because he handled failure with grace and always got back up after falling when Lucy yanked the football away.

But I'm 29. And there's a picture of an animated child on my phone.

So I tried something with a nod to typography that also served as a reminder to take a deep breath sometimes.

But as much as I want to know more about typography, I don't actually know anything, which means I get that the wallpaper's supposed to be interesting but couldn't explain why. And so there's a lot of pretending with this one.

Paper'd can help me escape this sick cycle carousel. And since it's going to be free to grab from the App Store, it's exactly the kind of gamble I won't find in Vegas: a sure thing.

But, amazingly, there's a bonus. Just by admitting how much I'm in need of some professional help from Shatterboxx and Xhatch - the makers of Paper'd - I'm eligible for a refund of my BiSC registration fee!

And so to update the list of things that could happen by the time May comes around, maybe I'll be headed to Vegas for free. But I'll definitely have finally cured my iPhone home screen shame.